Two weeks ago we headed to the city to find a new car. Sadly, I was the only one interested in replacing my little "PT Loser" (as the teenager called it) with a dump truck. I thought it was a (selfishly) wonderful idea! After all, we were looking for something tough enough to plow through the various stages of muck on our gravel road and something big enough to accommodate all the things we need to haul out here. Glen was thinking kids and groceries. I, of course, was thinking junk. In my mind, a dump truck was the prefect solution.... provided we could find one with an extended cab.
Seriously, I envisioned myself sitting behind the wheel of a heavy duty dumper.
All the way to the city I was on the lookout for junk to strengthen my case.
"Look at that pay load!" I squealed every time we passed a pile of potential.
Alas, my outbursts and best arguments were all in vain. We came home with your ordinary, keeping up with the Joneses crossover with all the bells and whistles.
I would have much rather come home with something more fitting to keeping up with the neighbors. They have a dump truck.
Okay, so I quit pouting and gave up the idea of a dump truck. I could be adult about driving a new vehicle, but darn it, it just doesn't fit into my dream of making money by rescuing rubbish while releasing the restraints on my artistic drive.
But, I've been here before. In the not so distant past I tried to break away from the "9 to 5 make someone else rich" work world and failed miserably. I started a business called "Faith Works", a little Christian book and gift store, but it didn't take long to lose every penny of my retirement savings and more. It is an understatement to say I'm reluctant cut the cord to the working world in order to chase my dreams.
Broke isn't fun either.
I sit between the opposing realities of fear and failure and the determination of dreams and desires. There is no way I can quit my job and expect to have the financial stability that's taken so long to finally attain after my business failure. Likewise, there's no way I can quash my love for junk or the desire to express myself artistically.
Equally I'm tormented by the notion of time. I sometimes feel there's never enough of it anymore, but on the other hand, it seems time is my greatest commodity and there's no need to rush.
Oh the pressure!
Glen thought "Old Crow Creations" would be more appropriate. Sheesh. After I slapped him, I explained that this old crow was trying to emphasize the need to keep her feet on the ground this time instead of flying off with her crazy ideas. He said he really appreciated that! (Bless his pointed little head.)
Maybe the dream business is in my future, maybe not. I guess it doesn't matter as long as we have what we need and I can sneak in a project from time to time to save my sanity. Besides, there's nothing wrong with a dream that never dies.
But, oh, wouldn't it just be the crow's toes?!